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"Trowa's Secret"Written By: Emerald Pillow Pairings: 1+3 Warnings: Yaoi;Langauage,death fic Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, you can try
to sue me, but all you'll get is a cat with a half mask like Trowa
(But, her name is Duo...) Comments: It's from Trowa's POV and the story
is about a little secret that he's been hiding from Heero...I hope
you enjoy. Rating: NC 17 Trowa's Secret Part 7
Why couldn't I now make love to Heero? We could still
use protection, and if something happens, and he does become infected,
we could turn to the cure. Then again, what if Heero's body wouldn't
allow the medication to take effect? He had told me how Dr. J tried
to turn his body into a perfect machine by conducting experiments
on him. What if one of those experiments caused his immune system
to destroy such medication before it could help anything? On the other hand, what if he couldn't even become infected
with the virus? Now that I thought about it, I couldn't remember a
time when he had gotten sick. Not even with a common cold. So who's
to say that any kind of illness could affect him? If such a thing
were true, then he would once again become a science experiment. Everyone
would want to know why he wasn't affected by diseases. They would
literally destroy him to find the answer. I wouldn't want him to go
through it again. Then there was the fear of him rejecting me, the way
Quatre had. I don't know what I would do without him. However, they
were two completely different people. Quatre pushed me away because
he was afraid. Afraid of what he didn't understand, and afraid of
dying. Though he would never admit it, that was his number one problem.
He didn't want to die with a disease that some asshole gave him. I
could understand that. I could also understand his fear of not fully
understanding what it meant to be HIV positive. Heero wasn't like that. If he didn't understand something,
he made himself understand someway. He wasn't afraid of death. Regardless
of how he were to die. He only saw it as part of living and that everyone
was going to have to at one point or another. Which was why he never
worried about it. Maybe I wasn't really afraid of him rejecting me.
Maybe I was afraid of the fact that he would stay by me. Staying with
me meant that he would have to set back and watch me slowly waste
away. I rolled over to look at the clock. I couldn't really
tell what time it was. My vision had gotten too blurry. I squinted
a little in hopes of seeing better, but didn't. I then looked over
at Wu Fei. He was sleeping peacefully and I didn't really want to
bother him. I was already causing him enough problems. I closed my
eyes and turned over again. I was starting to doze off when someone woke me. It
took me a moment to recognize that it was Wu Fei. He was sitting on
the edge of my bed asking if I was all right. It was then that I realized
how cold I was feeling. In fact, my body was trembling from the frigid
sensation. At the same time, I was sweating as if I had a fever. It
was strange that inside I was freezing, but on the outside I was burning
up. This never happened before. As Wu Fei performed a quick check up on me, I couldn't
help but wish that Heero was here. I felt a little childish wanting
him the way a kid would want their mother, but I did. When Wu Fei
finished, he ministered an injection and told me to rest. He then
continued to watch over me the way he always did until I would fall
asleep. "You probably think I'm weak." I said softly,
not really wanting to sleep yet. "After everything I've watched you go through in
the pass two years. . .I could never think that of you. I just think
you're being a coward by not telling Yuy about this. He cares a lot
about you." "I know. . .but every time I try to tell him. .
." "You think about Winner and what he's done to you
because of what you are." Wu Fei was the only person that I had
told everything to. "Yeah." "I can understand that, but you're forgetting something
Trowa. They're not the same person. They're as different as night
and day. To hide like this from him is wrong. Wrong to him. . .and
to you. You shouldn't have to face this alone. He could probably help
you a great deal, if only you let him." I knew he was right,
but why did I deserve it? ~ * ~ Chapter
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